I can't seem to let myself sleep. I'm overcome with gratitude for how supportive and accepting my Sensei and dojo family are. I had to finish class in Seiza (kneeling) because my legs had given out after Sanchin.
We worked on breathing kata: Sanchin, Higaonna no Sanchin, and Tensho. We did a bit of Saifa kata too, focusing on tai otoshi movements. I had to sit down for those, the pain was too high.
Earlier in the day I'd had dental work done. Although it was just fillings my body went into full spastic awfulness and I blacked out. I worked with my Physiotherapist after that to get the spasms under control, but then I was exhausted. She did a stellar job of using distraction to get my shoulder pain down, which was no small feat.
By the time I got to karate I was wiped out. But I was wrecked emotionally from how hard this day was. I needed to be with my dojo family. They were patient with the noise I made as I staggered in, and I wasn't surprised that they were welcoming, as usual, as I came onto the floor.
I feel less self-conscious in the dojo than I do anywhere else in the world. My gi looks the same no matter what pronoun. Whatever my body can do is enough.
It just feels good. It feels so good that when it's time to return to the pain as a limiting entity, I struggle to cope. More on that later. For now the point is that I love my dojo family.