Things to Work On

Gekisai Dai Ni

1. Hand position: The wrist should always be ready to make a strike, even during a block or during a return to chamber.

2. Uraken uchi (modified): I can't fully extend for a proper Uraken uchi because my wrist dislocates like crazy. But if I don't do a complete extension on Uraken uchi, my subsequent Gedan Barai will be very small and weak. So if I modify Uraken uchi, I need to make sure that I still do a full Gedan Barai.

3. Wrist grab: Unless actually grabbing in bunkai the thumb needs to be tucked underneath, against the palm of the hand. Otherwise it's like giving the other person a gift to grab and break the thumbs.

4. Neko Ashi Dachi: Make sure the knees are properly turned a little bit inward to protect the groin and align the knees safely.

5. Tora Guchi: Work on making movements fluid and cooperative between the blocks. Hand posture should have a straight radial line, consistent with strikes and blocks. 

6. Yoi: hands need to remain tight. m
Mushimi movement is heavy-sticky, as through cold peanut butter. Fluid movement.

Today there were few students and Sensei gave a lot of great instruction. I got to work with a Senpai who knows physiology very well, so he was able to explain why we do certain things on a way that made sense to me.  Nice day.

What Keeps You From Trying a Martial Art?

I am convinced that Goju Ryu is for everybody.  I have seen videos of quadriplegics using it effectively in training.  It's up-close and personal, you're always in contact, so I believe a blind person would fare well with it.  I'm half-deaf myself, so I know that hearing loss is not always an obstacle, and certainly is not a deal breaker.  I've got one of the most ridiculous anomalies of a disability in the world with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, and that's not stopping me.  Autism.  Celiac Disease.  Cancer.  ADHD.  OCD.  Bipolar disorder.  Depression.  PTSD.  Poverty.  Pregnancy.

Name your challenge, there's a way the IOGKF world will make Goju Ryu work, to make you more confident of two things:
1. Your life is worth saving.
2. You can and will save your life, and make it the best it can be.  You've made it this far, haven't you?

I'm not saying everybody is fit to be a karateka.  Everyone has their niche, and for some people karate isn't their thing.  I respect that.  But for those who wish to be included, we will include you.

After a two-week hiatus tonight was my first night returning to the dojo.  I feel like I've regressed a year, and I've not even been practicing for two years yet!  I'll get it back, but it's clear that even two weeks of practicing just on my own has set me back.  It's good to know that, though, because it reminds me of how meaningful it is to get out and spend an evening among my dojo family.

When my wife left a little over a year ago I dove into karate.  I needed to save my life, and although the fight was with myself and my own doubts, I had to fight for it.  Sensei called me to the dojo religiously, made it known that he expected me to be there, and not to miss any sessions.  I dropped 50lbs last year, partly from being really sick, part from being too depressed to eat, and partly from being at the dojo for three or four nights a week.  It was the hardest year of my life, and I've had an atypical number of hard years in my life.  I needed karate.  Now I can't imagine life without it, and luckily, I won't have to.  It's not something you do, it's something you become.  Karateka is the word for someone who practices karate.  Karate is such a holistic, invasive, complete way of being a human on earth, that every decision is impacted by what kind of person I want to face the next time I'm looking at myself in the mirror in the dojo.

I've moved to a new place.  My friend gave me three old training weapons that her son no longer uses, and they are in my new living room.  I can't wait to use them!  But, I have decided to wait on two of them until I have at least achieved Shodan Ho rank in karate (first-degree black belt, given by the school, signifying that you are preparing to test for your IOGKF Shodan black belt).  I don't want to get distracted.  At the same time it is important to diversify one's training, so I will at least look up some techniques for rokushaku bo (six foot stick) fighting and conditioning.  But my focus needs to stay on karate.  My performance was terrible tonight compared to how it was two weeks ago, so I'm glad to be back, and I'm not leaving until I'm satisfied with what I achieve!

The only reason I was able to practice karate tonight is because of my friends.  They have helped me tremendously, beyond measure.  They packed and moved /all/ of my belongings in 85-degree heat while I slept on ice packs and ran IV fluids because my A/C broke the week before I moved out and it was nearly impossible to stay conscious.  I am so stupefied at how much I need other people to live my life as I do, but the truth is that I cannot live without the help of others.  Growing up in the isolated way that I did, I have no idea how I survived, and I will /never/ go back to isolating myself.  I will always be karateka, which means being part of a community.  I will help anyone become a part of that community who wishes to try.

My new apartment is modest but very spacious and very beautiful.  I'm happy with it, but as I set it up I realize that, because Karate is part of my heartbeat, I need to, at all costs, make a dojo space.  It doesn't have to be big, but it has to be deliberately dojo space.  Such will be good for healing my broken heart and moving forward.  It has already begun to heal, but as I have a choice in the matter, I prefer to take an active role in the process.

Bushido No Megumi Dojokun
Through discipline, strength and humility
I will strive to bring out the best in myself and others.
I will use common sense before self-defense
And never be abusive or offensive.
I will strive to have patience, kindness, gentleness, and self-control.

Be well.

Karate vs. Street Fighting

The difference between getting your butt kicked by a karateka and getting your butt kicked in the street is that the karateka will stick around and help you clean up the blood.

Ehlers-Danlos Karateka Philosophy

I *destroyed* my body running every day and that's how I got my Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome diagnosis. Six years of physiotherapy later, I'm just barely functioning enough to work and practice karate. I continue to push, but I am much more careful now. I limit my movements to one or two planes of motion at a time if I can, limit impact, and follow body mechanics religiously from the time I wake up to the time I turn back into a pumpkin at night.

I've been on hiatus from karate because I'm moving, and that has given certain body parts time to repair.

Karate has been amazing for chronic illness. Maybe it's radical to think this way, but I have decided that if my body is the Titanic and I'm going down with the ship, I may as well play in the band. My physiotherapist said, "While you have time, go live. Because when you're lying in that bed you'll want those memories." My attitude about things I have already lost (e.g., running) is that, when I could, I did.

So, I don't know if any of that is interesting, but there it is. Be well.

Nakamura-Sensei: a leader, but a person

Nakamura-Sensei has taken a picture of a place I will likely never see in my lifetime, but which has an important place in my heart. This is Higaonna-Sensei's dojo in the morning. The modest figure in the mirror is Nakamura-Sensei's reflection. I'm grateful for this image, it is serenity.

I loved training with them and with all the IOGKF karateka.  Higaonna-Sensei said to me, "You are working hard, but it also looks like you are having fun. I like that!"

I would have the time of my life if I ever got to visit Higaonna-Sensei's dojo, or Japan at all. I have so many great Japanese friends and family that even though my Japanese language skills are very rusty I would enjoy myself and smile the entire time. I would host the Japanese tea ceremony and tell each guest why they were important to me. I might even put ice in the matcha, I hear the weather has been hot.

I'm not sure that Nakamura-Sensei realizes how he touches the hearts of so many people. I think of he really knew, it would be difficult for him to be as modest as he is! He is just a man at the end of the day, but to me he is a great man, having great generosity and compassion. He is exactly what Japan hopes for--someone who makes Japanese society seem perfectly groomed, flawlessly well mannered. And yet, as an Okinawan, I wonder if he identifies with Japanese traditions in that way, or if he just knows very well how to behave in society. Best of all, I consider him my friend.

Anyway, I can imagine enjoying very much a morning like this in Higaonna-Sensei's dojo. I would sit zazen first thing and recite Dojokun, then practice hojo undo. In my wildest dreams, I would practice here beside my own Sensei. 

Be well.

Tough Call Out

Some people will not be able to relate to this. Good. I hope few people ever
go through pain like this.

Tonight I made a hard decision that all Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome athletes have to make. I skipped my physical activity (Karate) to get groceries. You can't do karate if you starve to death.

But in the middle of shopping my shoulder subluxed. The pain exploded throughout my upper torso and my rib cage feels as loose as a goose. I'm assuming that the rib laxity is because I normally use my back muscles very actively to stabilize, but with my traps and rhomboids out of the game I'm sunk.

My spine feels like it's stuck to the right and my ribs feel like they'll pop away from my sternum if I try to fill my lungs. It's been hours and ice didn't help. Now I'm just in pain control mode and praying I don't sneeze.

I wouldn't call it a hopeless feeling but I'm pretty upset. I hate this. I already called out of work. I do know that if this had happened at the dojo I would have cried. The pain is horrible. You know it's bad when I skip the science of healing and just go into pain control. I just don't have a lot of options right now. I can't even get a breath.

I've probably been overdoing it. That's probably the message here. Thank goodness this is happening on Thursday night so I don't miss too much work. I had to take leave for my divorce and then I'll need leave time to move next weekend, plus leave next week for car repairs.

This weekend is Spirit Training! You can bet your Shireido gi I'll be there. I may be immobile in minutes but I'm not missing it. I need karate to feel alive. It's the only thing that makes me feel alive right now so I need to be there.

My one good thing for today is going to be hard. The goal is not to kick myself while I'm down by wallowing on frustration about not being able to move today. Instead, I'm going to just think about good memories and let them carry me across this gap. You see, tomorrow is Spirit Training, and since my body is toast I really need to take care of my spirit. 

Lessons Learning

Karate is where I make peace with my body. I learn to protect it, to discover it, and best of all, to use it.

I feel like I got hit by a truck. Thank God I can work from home. I have barely gotten splinted and meds started, though I woke up at 6:30. Breakfast is sitting next to me, cold. I'm determined to meet all my goals for work today, and to care for myself so well that I get through karate tonight. But man, it's a rough start. Maybe a break to blog will settle me down.

Perhaps sensitive to my enthusiasm, Sensei has begun to teach me Seiyunchin. A month ago he asked me not to study it because it was not my kata yet at my level. So I focused on Saifa and I'm glad to have him looking out for my progress. I enjoy Saifa a lot, it is my strongest kata! I just got excited.

Well, I got what I wished for, and now that I'm learning Seiyunchin I almost wish I could back up! I can't physically sit in shiko dachi for that long. Same with Sanchin dachi stance. Other parts of my life have taken up time and energy, so I haven't been practicing at home. Not good.

Here's what I need to work on (the way I see it):
-Get through or modify Sanchin kata without passing out, choking, or dislocating my shoulders and knees

-Keep Saifa kata strong, polish my performance

-Straighten out mae geri (front kick) for power and balance

-Condition my feet to withstand a pivot on the ball of my foot for mawashi geri (roundhouse kick). I have no idea how I'll do this because the problem is that my skin is not connected well and I can feel it tearing away from the fascia. Maybe a small hop?

-Continue doing lots of push-ups! Maybe I will be able to do them off of my knees someday if I can condition my hands to withstand the laxity in weight-bearing. I've been following the advice Higaonna-Sensei gave me, to exercise my hands 100 reps in everything I do to strengthen them.

-Don't give up. Even if I have to sit down, throw up, lie down, modify, whatever. Take care of my health needs, and follow my Sensei's instruction to get back to the mat as soon as possible.

Future goals:
-I'd like to learn breakfalls. I am a high fall risk and this would be a great skill. Practicing my stances and  has certainly reduced my falls and even dislocations. But I would still like to be strong in breakfalls.

-Rolling and tumbling. I've only done one somersault, and with a spotter, but I stayed conscious! If I could learn to tuck my head

I predict that if I know I can fall and tumble safely that I will worry less in daily life about blacking out. I already worry a little less because I have my port and karate has helped me get better conditioned to withstand the heat. Ambient temperature changes remain a very complex problem.

The hardest part about passing out is that my memory brings back the awful feelings I endured when I was sickest, before my port. Just before I got my port I was ready to stop treatment and give up on life. I was going into shock at every needle stick, the pain was unbearable, the drugs made me feel awful and I was either sedated or unconscious most of the time. I can't believe I survived that and I thank my lucky stars for everyone who dragged me through it.  The feelings that come up today are much the same, but the intensity of those feelings should be lessening and they aren't lessening. So it hits like a wave and my only option is to drag myself off the mat quietly and choke on the tears while trying not to throw up or fall over. I don't know if that sensation is an emotional remnant or if it's actually happening.

I suspect that it's still actually happening because there is no cure for it. But the fact that it reminds me of more severe times even after I've gotten the proper chemo in place means that the emotional component of dysautonomia is still kicking my butt, and needs care.

When you're sick and no one really knows what to do your mind becomes a bad neighbourhood, not a place to go on your own.  For the last year and a half I've been living like there's no tomorrow because for the prior three years I either wasn't sure there would be a tomorrow, or wouldn't want it if there was one. It took a lot of cognitive management to survive that and I was on overload from how much alone time I had with my thoughts.  Now I look forward to the next day.

Anyway, that's what I'm working on. Karate is where I work on it. Balance is a moving target.