What's Making An Ask?

Ask for what you need; the point of this world is to share what we have when we already have more than enough.

When you make an ask, you give others a chance to take something they maybe didn't even know they were ready to give. You are a catalyst for helping them move on to something new with their space. New and fresh decisions come so much more easily when charged with new hope for what has been given up to make that space. It makes space in the giver's mind for the work of dreaming.

When you make an ask, you offer a continuation for something they have loved, something they've cared for--and they didn't even know that good thing was on its way to find them.

So who is really the giver here? Both. That, to me, is humility. It's a relationship, not a factor singularly controlled by one side of a connection or the other. It's what gives beauty to balance, otherwise balance is just a pause before the next thing happens.

Karate was born in Naha (Okinawa). Please think about that with me. They weren't a series of small, isolated groups that rebranded their fancy exercise program. They were neighbours, and they were a small and united people, on an island, and they were surviving. In a way, that's the whole world. So if I have something I can give, please ask me. Do me the favour.

On Static vs. Dynamic Exercises and Stretching*

"If you can't explain it you don't know it well enough." -Einstein

It's been three years since my last belt test. I tested for 1-kyu in Goju Ryu Karate on November 11, 2020, via Zoom online. My tests are adapted to suit what I can physically do, which is largely kata (forms) and solo kihon bunkai (basic applications). I also need to understand what others can do with the system, and I need to be able to adapt what I can't do in such a way that it would work in the street. This was set from Day One with my Sensei in a meeting that lasted for four hours while we sussed out what my training was going to look like. That was about nine years ago. That's a long time to be a kyu-level belt (non-black). But some people never get this far.

The notes below are a summary of what I've learned about muscles locking up intensely and painfully. My port and daily IV fluids must have been preventing these problems for years. I'm grateful for seven years with my port, it's unprecedented. My medical team is incredible and the value of a supportive Primary Care Physician cannot be understated. For over two years I've been in Physical Therapy and Occupational Therapy, among other rehabilitative efforts. I've also beaten the grave four times, retired, started a small business, bought a new-to-me mustang (I love mustangs, it's like getting a limb back), while also living through the pandemic and attending karate to the fullest, safest extent possible. (That's another story worth telling and this little note is to remind myself!) None of this is medical advice and don't trust everything you read on the Internet. I haven't even run this by my PTs yet.

The Ehlers-Danlos community has already benefited from my Sensei's leadership by observing and trying these methods. My Sensei has also been actively outspoken beside me, and others, teaching people with all sorts of abilities that martial arts is for everyone, that our school welcomes everyone. He's helped lots of us unpack negative experiences with instructors who pushed EDSers to the point of injury or quitting. 

Indomitable acceptance in the dojo is founded in the school's Christian values, and people of all backgrounds are welcome. If I were Jesus that's what I'd want to see. Anyway, on with the science notes: 

On Static vs. Dynamic Exercises and Stretching*

• Given
• When the muscle must contract it's happy to do its job, even if that job is a little tougher because of instability.
• When the muscle must relax, those fibres have no idea where to stop because tendons aren't stabilizing or providing usable feedback. So, the muscle is inclined to remain contracted: "Any time now, tendons.... Guys?"
• Interventions: milieu approach, e.g.,
• Isometrics give the muscles a chance to practice both strength (muscle's ability to contract)
• Short, sustained reps for tone (muscle's ability to remain contracted), and 
• ...also releasing and relaxing in between reps (except they suck at relaxing).
• Manual therapies aid in the physical release of muscle fibres which can only relax passively.
• Pharmacology aids in the chemical release of muscle fibres, which are chemically gated by extraneous sympathetic activity, hormones, diet, exercise, psychology, family hx, etc.
• Things I couldn't fit elsewhere
• Timing - time of day/month; interventions before/after activity; last meds, food, hydration, electrolytes
• Psych - last boost of oxytocin or dopamine; last interpersonal reaction; psychological flexibility; emotional regulation; cats?
• Environment - weather; climate; physical safety risks; fall risks
• Adaptive equipment - tapes; braces; splints; mobility aids, environmental mods
• Support - care team; community members; friends; family, and access to them all
• Misc - what else is hurting (and what isn't!); energy levels; cognition; quality of above factors
• If a muscle group isn't working right, check the opposing muscle groups.
  
• Ongoing "learning opportunities" (that aren't necessarily functional goals, but are more qualitative)
• Emotional endurance when things look bleak for a long time
• When I get sick, any of this knowledge that isn't rote goes out the window.
• Prevention and managing crashes (exhaustion, injury)
• I forgot how to know when a muscle is fatigued vs. exhausted, and when that's a useful vs. hazardous.
• WTF, diet/guts?
• Consistent exercise program
• Managing kinesiophobia and coping without a port like a freakin' boss
• WTF, mind/body connection?
• Communicating with providers succinctly ;)
• Things to remember
• "If you can't explain it you don't know it well enough." -Einstein
• I didn't come this far just to make it this far
• I must rest when my rampage is over
• Didn't cause it, can't cure it, might bitch about it, can endure it.
• Nourish to flourish
• Take your meds. Your doctors know they're not prescribing Jolly Ranchers. (that's mine!) :)
• Sometimes to let it heal you have to stop fuckin' with it. (also mine) :)

Be well. Whatever you celebrate, Happy That!

*I am not a medical professional, so check with one. Don't believe everything you see on the Internet.

IOGKF Perú Entrenamiento especial

Tomorrow I will train with Goju Ryu friends in Peru and beyond thanks to a generous invitation to show up and do what I can. My Sensei offers me the same generous invitation to class each week.

Peter set me up in his office with a tv, pc, sound bar so it's super loud; a non-slip mat, and a fan. My wheelchair is right outside the door if I need to switch, or I can rest and watch.

I'm emotional about this. Friends I haven't seen in six years haven't forgotten me. I might cry. 

I'm bad at math. Peru is only 1 hour earlier than EST. If I'm right Peru starts at 9am and I start at 8am. And if I'm early, we can do juunbi undo!

But mostly, I will cry. I've lost a lot of function since 2014. So I will play when I can and then I will adapt when I must! My Sensei has helped me grow.

Goju Ryu karate training is very strict. We take deep care in making sure we understand what is being said to us because it can devastate a person if you do the wrong thing.

We all value Higaonna-Sensei and wish him the very best, naturally. What's harder is continuing to organize ways to carry his message into the future with one unified and timeless voice. We will become his voice someday when he goes where we all go, so until then we can continue working to build voices in ourselves that we should choose to share with Higaonna-Sensei and expect he will feel that it is okay for him to rest.

Tomorrow is my first Spanish-language karate class. I am super excited! I'm sure my recognition has become weak, but they still day the moves in Japanese. I'll be okay!

My Sensei told me to go ahead and that tells me there is nothing that can take me down here. I have much to learn and must stay humble.

I am enchanted by Kokubo-Sensei because he's the first person I ever met who was Japanese, speaking Spanish! He also speaks English. Because I am as polyglot he is very fun and exciting to see.

Onegaishimasu.

Zooming In On My Progress

Online learning is getting to me. In karate tonight over Zoom I tried Sepai kata for the first time. I miss my dojo. It'll be interesting to see how my body tolerates karate with no port and overall reduced activity after the pandemic ends. I look forward to building back up because looking back won't do me any good.

I've been in physiotherapy for a year and a half now since sepsis ended. I've been out of the dojo since before the pandemic hit the United States, where I live.

Learning karate online has been a lot of fun because it's different and I get different things out of it. I can turn the volume way up on my Sensei's voice, for instance, whereas in the dojo I'm almost totally deaf. Learning online I can write notes down and scribble out my questions and their answers. I can rest, add a fan, hydrate, and manage blackouts more easily. The cats are distracting but that's only because I want them to meet my dojo family.

It's frightening that my body has deconditioned in so many ways because of sepsis. My muscle memory is carrying me further than my actual memory in some cases, and in other cases I'm choked up from drawing a blank.

My Sensei is extremely generous with my schedule and my abilities. He has things he wants for me and I have things I want for myself. At the end of the day we're glad to be alive and we have faith that this is the foundation for anything else we can imagine to come true. :)

Sepai, though, which is thought of as the oldest kata, has a lot of moves in it that are new to me. It looks like Sepai bunkai might be easier to perform than the kata itself (at least, kihon bunkai).

I'm frustrated most moments of the day with the pain, which is a lot worse, a lot sooner. Pain control in the U.S. is a strange racket. With Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome it is unrealistic to expect that one may ever be completely out of pain. But it is realistic to expect that I can learn to defend myself. I don't need every kata to be lovely. I don't need every bunkai to work. I need to practice and ingrain a few solid techniques that will work for me in different situations against different types of people. I choose to see my life as worth defending. There are many people in my life I wish saw themselves that way, but I can only control myself and invite others to join me in the adventure, in the work. And boy, is it work.

Eventually, everyone gets seasoned at working toward or fighting for something, so long as we do not give up and check out. And even that is another type of fight altogether worth besting.

Saifa Kata and the Clavicle Strikes

I'm relearning to perform Saifa kata at full speed and power without dislocating my clavicles. It's funny that one of the Saifa bunkai is a clavicle, too.

PT and I think it was fine when my port was anchored to my chest but now that it's out and there are all these pockets cut into the muscles they aren't holding my clavicles in place anymore. It's not supposed to be the muscles' job to stabilize the clavicles, but in lieu of connective tissue to do the job, the muscles aren't really capable of doing both while also full of pockets. So, strengthening and toning. It'll sort out. Saifa was my best kata for a while so I'm eager to get it back as best I can.

In Defense of Self

Karate is about self-defense. Period. It's not a sport.

I've convinced myself that the grief process for how far I've slid in the past two years won't be as severe, so long as I can keep on partying with aggressive dance moves in my funny pajamas. For most of the last ten days I've had intractable pain. I can't wait to get back to karate in any possible way besides reviewing in my head. I need to believe I'll get back to it because without my port I've been at a tremendous loss. Karate is a huge part of me that I haven't lost, and I don't intend to.

Retirement due to disability isn't like voluntary retirement at retirement age. For one thing it's guaranteed poverty. It's means-testing for every bit of support. It's nursing and medical re-evals a dozen times a year just to make sure you're really not going to improve. Same questions over and over. Same paperwork. Same signatures, scheduling, hours and hours of life spent on enough  paperwork to make you ask yourself, "can I really not work if I can do all this paperwork?" But then the symptoms stack up, everything you swear you've washed still smells like puke to you, the mail says you're overdue for more medical exams, your best splints won't close over the cat fur in their Velcro, and it's hard to tell what day it is because you can't remember the last time your sleep schedule was diurnal. That's on top of actually staying alive and uninjured, splinted appropriately, meds, physiotherapy, occupational therapy, medical appointments, paperwork for those, blood work, pharmacies, insurance, prescriptions, bills, diagnostic imaging, durable medical equipment, residential mods, vehicle mods....

Suffice to say, I'm having a hard time.

When I'm at karate that falls away for a while. I'm enchanted by the physiology, the safety, the methodology. My Sensei delivers this balance of humour and heft that level off the risk of death or permanent injury similar to the risks I live with day in and day out. Things slow down and I'm not thinking about how close I am to a joint dislocation. I'm just doing one thing at a time and when something pops out I put it back in. Easy peasy.

There's no paperwork, no evaluation. Nobody is going to check to see how functional I am. They're just other people on the floor on their own journeys, and we're just doing the same thing together for a time. We're all pushing our own limits. There's no competition, only partnership. There are no cliques, only karate family. We're a tight-knit dojo and your body or intellectual ability does not limit you in our school. We are inclusive and I am included.

In my school I don't feel invisible. When I can't be on the floor I have extra projects to participate, in character development or in projects that help our school grow. I get to do really cool things with every language I know, with technology, building, and crafting. There's never a break in growth and strengthening, and that's what makes karate invaluable.

Karate is about self-defense. You have to believe in your life and develop a life that's worth defending. You have to build a self to defend. I've lost a tremendous lot of my self in my retirement. Karate is as good a mode as any to get that back or grow a new sense of self. So you see, I'm eager to get back.

Kata in the Time of Covid-19

Due to the Covid-19 virus everyone is staying at home and that's a good thing. Karate classes, like all other classes, have moved to online video sessions.

Here are my notes from tonight:

• Warm up before class!
• Ushiro geri - remember not to let hips extend/turn sideways.
• Question: Seiyunchin Kata - my shiko dachi is getting stronger and more square! But my lower back pays for it later. What can I do to tone and stabilize that stance?
• Answer: The lower back was not meant to steady the spine. the lats and butt should be carrying the workload of protecting the spine. If hip flexors and hips are weak, then it shifts to your lower back, and you'll get pain because your lower back muscles are a lot smaller. That part of your body can't carry the weight. The girdle of your lower back, abs, and your butt, if they're weak the spine will fall out of alignment.
• Ballistic hip movement will be painful if core is not strong.
• An open hand can be used like a key, for unlocking something and making room to strike.
• The angle of my stance and the center of my kata determine where I'm going to strike (my angle to my opponent), not where my opponent is standing.

My space is a bit awkward, there wasn't a good way to handle it so Sensei could see me and I could see him, too. Behind me are some of my partner's belongings so I thought it would be better to respect their privacy. It's a small city townhouse, the third floor is split into our bedroom and my office. The TV is in my office and the space I made to exercise is in the bedroom! I'm okay with it!

Loud and Clear

Practicing with some time like this, with my own Sensei teaching online, is a tremendous benefit for me because I can turn the volume up very high to hear better and I can switch devices to ensure a clear sound. I catch a lot more information when I can hear than when I'm in the dojo where I'm virtually deaf to instruction except for what I can lip read. With an online environment I can also stop to write down things I hear for review because my auditory memory is in a constant state of overdrive during verbal instruction.

Being deaf in a learning environment means that one misses out on what's called "incidental learning", beautifully explained by ASL Stew:

Direct link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mPSV4JgfTnQ

My Sensei has many pets. They walk the lines like Senpai do in the dojo, checking stances and ensuring we stay focused.

Physical Recovery Update

It's been now fourteen months of physiotherapy since my last bout with sepsis. I am back at the dojo, back at karate, as best I can be. This online method is giving me new information and helping me drive home details I have never gotten before. I've improved a lot but now I know exactly why, and to keep doing it!

In particular, PT has meant stabilizing my hips and finding creative ways to manage debilitating tightness in my legs. Since it's not possible to stretch out my muscles without also stretching out my tendons it's been useful to use a TheraBand Roller Massager before bed and whenever my joints lock up. It catches trigger points nicely, too, which knocks out two birds with one stone.

This is an exciting time for my body. I've worked hard on it. I'll never be bored with this body because there is always something to do. I think that's a good way of looking at it--as good a way as any.

Gassho, may you be well.