I have been training every day for a month for this! The dojo is packed with karateka and my roommate is cheering me on from the bench. Sensei is keeping time and Carol is keeping score. The ring is set up and the judges are placed around it.
My name is called and I don't hear it. A fellow karateka taps me to let me know. My opponent is a karateka with whom I have practiced much. We know each other's bodies and movements, strengths and strike preferences. We have a great match and I win by just one point. She got in some good strikes that I am still feeling. I'm more excited about her progress and fearlessness than about my win. She used to treat me delicately, which may have been her fear of hurting me combined with her natural reluctance to wish to injure anybody at all. A mother and special education teacher, she is an unmistakably tough cookie who carries herself with delicacy and kindness. She is a lot of fun to work with and I know she will beat me someday. I will be glad when that day comes because I will have been a part of her training. She gets me back during practice. :)
My second opponent is someone I really don't know well, but I tied with her husband in kata. He broke the tie and won in the second kata. I have lost to this woman before. Having learned that she is quick, knows how to reserve her energy, and has a good eye for open strike zones, I guard myself. Unfortunately for me I forget to fall back every time I strike and she gets the point on counterstrike. She got a whopper in on me too, which left me gasping for air. I recovered and finished the fight, which makes me proud of myself. She made a really good punch and I was happy for her.
I took home second place in the shiai, and I have never been more proud of a ribbon. Before this my most proud was third place in a science fair. I've won higher titles but the pride comes from the level of challenge and effort. In no physical activity except physiotherapy have I ever managed to watch myself grow like I have in karate. I was on the tennis team, I swam every day in the summer, and put a lot of boring hours in at the gym. Injury after injury kept me from getting any stronger and I had no choice but to eventually give up. I wasn't getting any better and nobody else believed in me, so I didn't believe in myself. That's what happens: it takes other people to be successful. At the dojo we all have work to do. We are under stress and have challenges to overcome. We take it one class at a time. Sometimes we take home a ribbon. I did here, and I am very, very satisfied.
The shiai was last night. Tomorrow morning is Spirit Training, where you train so hard that the only thing you have left to carry you out of the dojo is your spirit. Today I have been too weak to do anything, and barely got through a shower. Still, with Ehlers-Danlos syndrome those weak days happen even when you don't do anything athletic. I prefer to have had the amazing memory of having competed in a karate tournament. When I'm laying there on the couch and don't have the freedom to move I really have to work to keep my thoughts positive. It gives me hope that I will be able to at least walk into the dojo tomorrow, whether I sit on the bench and just learn or go for broke and participate. Either way, I feel better having karate in my life for the days when I can do more. Kiai!
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