Saturday, May 25, 2013
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
I couldn't hear and couldn't keep up tonight. The stress, pain and exhaustion of living on my own are catching up to be. I found myself straining to understand the Senpai and got so confused that I took a seat on the bench to just observe from a distance and see if I could figure out what was going on. It was the right thing to do because I was becoming frustrated and feeling isolated. But that's just where the adventure began, and it gets better from here.
Rafael speaks very limited English but he has beautiful Spanish. He speaks quickly, though clearly, and it is usually easy to understand him because he demonstrates what he says. He also seems to understand without me ever having to have explained that if you repeat the word and use only as many words as you need, it's MUCH easier for me to hear. He has started coming to some of my classes to help out, and help is exactly what I needed.
It helps to think in another language when I can't hear because I fall mute when I get overwhelmed by the number of possible words I heard in English. Believe it or not, even American English is overbroad. So when I fall mute it helps to switch to any other language, where I have a less complicated set of words to work with.
Spanish speakers are far more animated, like Italians are. It takes many fewer words because we also move to communicate. The bonus here is that I can communicate a lot more while saying far less. Speech really just isn't my thing.
Rafael demonstrated first because I couldn't hear the instructions, and his demonstration took the frustration out of trying to listen. Then we started and he gave lots of encouragement, lots of correction. When he saw that I understood the principal he had me stop and rest. I don't know how he understood but he did. He is very much like Sensei Tony in that way, very aware of himself and of others, but always focused on how to help others.
At the end of the class I was tired but quite satisfied with the outcome. I don't know how to repay the love of all the people there or why I feel compelled to do so. I have said before that I should be focused on letting their help be part of my success, because my progress is their reward in its own way.
Sunday, May 19, 2013
Karate starts on Saturday mornings at 8am. My mother was in town to help me clean my house and make it nice for me. We spent the morning talking about my future.
Anyone who has Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome knows how hard and painful mornings are. My dojo does not ignore the grunts and adaptations, but rather, encourages me to adapt and keep up in my own way. I skipped karate on Saturday to be with Mom and I'm glad I did. Quality time is as rare as EDS. We enjoyed the chat and had a couple of little adventures around town before her flight.
But today I wanted to join my karateka in my heart. I got up early, hydrated, put my bones in place, and hopped up to the wii. It took 45 minutes to get a 19-minute workout, plus a rest on the couch after. But I did it!
On Sundays I make myself a big breakfast- toast, coffee, grape, and spinach with egg and cheese. (It's supposed to be an egg scramble and spinach is supposed to be a garnish, I think, but I really love spinach.)
I'm excited about karate tomorrow because I will not have missed a beat, physiologically speaking. If I miss Saturday karate that's five days before I have karate again on Monday, so it helps to have something else to do. I can get a better workout if I exercise in the evenings, though something carnal inside me argues that working out in the morning has is own importance; it's much harder to workout in the morning. Such is true for anyone on some level, especially if it's been a while.
Start where you are, keep it up, and stay again when you need to, right from where you are at that time.
Friday, May 17, 2013
Monday, May 13, 2013
1. Something wonderful is about to happen.
2. This will hurt.
3. I will be proud of myself.
4. My fellow classmates will not let me fail.
5. I will not give up on my classmates.
To relax and let the pain go through me is extremely hard and lonesome. Though I know I am not alone I can't help but feel lonely. Relax, relax, relax....
Sunday, May 12, 2013
"I can't do this safely," I said. But I tried my best. It hurt a lot and I got frustrated. I know Sensei understood because he came by and said to take a break, reaching his hand out to signal that I should stop, that he could see my effort but he could also see my pain. I told you, he sees everything.