Spirit Problems

"Your spirit will get you out of trouble 90% of the time. If someone is trying to hurt you, give them a *very* hard time. Do not give up for any reason." -Sensei Tony

After having missed two weeks of karate due to health issues I am thrilled to be back in the dojo! A little stiff, but happy. I continued to practice every day and worked on stabilizing my hip, which is back to its usual, less-often schedule of popping out of socket. I still can't balance on it but I can use it for everything else.

My spirit has been a fleeting entity these days. I will have to make a lot of changes to the way I do things if I want my life to improve. It is very hard to do and I miss my wife so much that I barely have any drive to go on living. It's very sad to have a broken heart.

At the dojo we did push-ups on our fingertips, which I certainly cannot do the way everyone else does. Sensei taught me how to adapt: use just one hand of fingertips and use the entire other hand. I felt capable and strong, even though I use the wall to do push-ups. I am always pleasantly surprised when he calls out a strategy to adapt something I struggle to do, but I have no reason to be surprised. Every single person in the class is under his close watch and he is a remarkable instructor. I don't know how he sees what he sees.

Furthermore, I most appreciate Sensei's vision for what I have been calling adaptive martial arts. I'm just as tough as anyone else in my rank and it's because I am able to adapt what is unsafe, maximize what's good and work on what can be improved, all under the watchful eye of a very precious and skilled man.

Humility is a tenet of our practice. Sensei demonstrates humility by insisting that he has done nothing for me, that God is working through him. While that may be true, it is his spirit that has carried me through these hard and lonesome weeks until my health was better. I have leaned heavily on his spirit and probably will continue to do so until my own spirit is able to carry me again. His warmth and friendship continue to fill me up with the comfort and determination that I desperately lack to keep fighting these days. If ever grace were in my life it is here among my dear Sensei, Senpai, and fellow Karateka, who are working just as hard to outgrow their own limitations at all times.

Who would have thought in a million years that I would be practicing karate? Less than a year ago I could hardly stand up and the prior three years I couldn't even stay conscious. I love karate with my whole body and soul. That's a very real blessing and a protective factor, because very few things, if any at this time, speak to both. Even though it is not in our dojokun, there is plenty of room for mercy in our hearts.