Fifteen minutes is the amount of time in total that I was able to practice karate, which I did very gently. The last few weeks have been violently painful despite what I consider a valiant effort in pain relief. But I am so tired of being benched or stuck on the couch that I decided to give it a shot tonight.
Of course I am glad I went, but I remain unsatisfied. It's not enough! The cost/benefit analysis would not show that spending a day on the couch trying to do pain control and rest my muscles for 15 minutes of work is worth the investment. I walked in the door at home feeling frustrated. How true it is that I may be proud of myself for the effort, but how angry it makes me that my efforts does not yield more results. There will be other times when I can do a lot more, but right now I am excessively limited. Not only is my pain unbelievable, but my balance is off. My medications sedate me and my laxity moves me in directions that I'm not trying to go.
It was a tough night. I could have gone home after the first couple of times I had to sit down or lie on the floor, so I will focus my positive energy on my persistence. Just for tonight.
I will say this: it has felt quite strange to be at the head of the line a couple of times in the last few months. I have reached the highest rank in the beginners level, and have been invited to test. My next belt will put me at the bottom of the intermediate level, and strangely, I look forward to being back at the bottom. Expectations remain the same no matter where in line you are, but maybe it just feels good to be surrounded by people with more experience than I have.
Poco a poco.
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