Some days it's too much to ask of my body that it wake, prepare for the day ahead, wash, dress, (let's face it-poop), prepare and eat breakfast, pack medical supplies and splints for the day, pack for the day itself, and so on. Every little thing comes with a deliberate plan of execution. Karate is at the end of a long day of this, which gives me the whole day to fret about how I won't have any energy left if I'm not extremely careful. On most days I choose to see it as a goal rather than a problem.
For the last two weeks I have been too unwell to participate in karate. I have gone and sat on the bench for as long as I have been able to sit up, I have tried practicing a few minutes at a time and laying on the floor to rest, and napping before class is not helping. It's a heartbreaker because I love karate. It's also very lonely. Instead of discovering what my body can do in a room full of friends I'm alone on the couch wishing I could do anything to get active.
I am supposed to test for my next belt this Saturday and I don't know how I'm going to do it. I suppose I will have to go and do my best.
One of the most frustrating things in life is to be dissatisfied with the limitations of my body. Today is one of those days. Yesterday was one of those days. Tomorrow will be one of those days. It won't be like this forever, there will be better days for sure, but right now I am pretty unhappy. I just wish I could be doing karate instead of being in so much pain, both physical and emotional, that I cannot but bring myself to sleep.
Over and over: I know it won't be like this forever.
For now, it's time to take things easy. There will be a time to work, but now it is time to rest. I just hope it doesn't undo too much while this body does its sedentary thing.
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