I will look for some information on pacing myself. In the beginners' class this morning, something like 80 mae geri and mawashi geri is too many geri. My spine is toast and now I'm missing my own class.
Today's Sensei is doing a great job with conditioning. She explained that if you have to do a lot of one particular move it is important to keep your pace, but that you can lower your intensity for a few reps so that you can catch your breath, relieve your muscles and go back to full power. I find that this approach gives me a chance to work smaller muscle groups during the lighter times.
I'm having a tough morning. This will be my last anniversary before getting divorced. I had it in my head last night while I couldn't sleep that it was going to be nice to kick the hell out of nothing (i.e., the air) but because we were conditioning we got to use pads. It seems I kicked much harder than I should have because my whole spine is mad about it. This is so hard to deal with. I wonder when the nightmare will end, and that's useless, because it will never end. I promised my life to her and it takes two people to keep a promise, so that promise will not be kept. It will always be a room in hell and it isn't easy to get used to the heat. It's okay with me that I went a little hard on the kicks this morning but it will be nice if I can cultivate more self-awareness and self-control by this time next year.
It will help lessen both the physical and emotional pain if I make this a goal so I will aim for it. Shifting my attention will be a healthy way to redirect the energy. I don't know how I will take care of the pain in the meantime, so that will be a task of humility, being humble enough to ask loved ones for help and being string enough to turn the other cheek to criticism.
Pardon my language but divorce is fucking brutal. My dojo is really saving my buns right now.
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