Tough Call Out

Some people will not be able to relate to this. Good. I hope few people ever
go through pain like this.

Tonight I made a hard decision that all Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome athletes have to make. I skipped my physical activity (Karate) to get groceries. You can't do karate if you starve to death.

But in the middle of shopping my shoulder subluxed. The pain exploded throughout my upper torso and my rib cage feels as loose as a goose. I'm assuming that the rib laxity is because I normally use my back muscles very actively to stabilize, but with my traps and rhomboids out of the game I'm sunk.

My spine feels like it's stuck to the right and my ribs feel like they'll pop away from my sternum if I try to fill my lungs. It's been hours and ice didn't help. Now I'm just in pain control mode and praying I don't sneeze.

I wouldn't call it a hopeless feeling but I'm pretty upset. I hate this. I already called out of work. I do know that if this had happened at the dojo I would have cried. The pain is horrible. You know it's bad when I skip the science of healing and just go into pain control. I just don't have a lot of options right now. I can't even get a breath.

I've probably been overdoing it. That's probably the message here. Thank goodness this is happening on Thursday night so I don't miss too much work. I had to take leave for my divorce and then I'll need leave time to move next weekend, plus leave next week for car repairs.

This weekend is Spirit Training! You can bet your Shireido gi I'll be there. I may be immobile in minutes but I'm not missing it. I need karate to feel alive. It's the only thing that makes me feel alive right now so I need to be there.

My one good thing for today is going to be hard. The goal is not to kick myself while I'm down by wallowing on frustration about not being able to move today. Instead, I'm going to just think about good memories and let them carry me across this gap. You see, tomorrow is Spirit Training, and since my body is toast I really need to take care of my spirit.