Karate doesn't feel right in anything other than my gi. It also feels weird not being in the dojo. That's where I am most happy. Today I will think about how to make my home its own dojo, and how to think about my gi as an external manifestation of a simplified mental state.
Karate, which (more or less) means "Empty hand," does not rely on things--neither weapons nor tools, books or other people. I wish to become internally satisfied with who I am, and to become less interested in what I have. With the loss of my wife, our dog, both cats, and our plans for a child, I am learning the very painful lesson that things can and will change in the blink of an eye, even if I am no longer that abused child who would have to move out of the house at 3am when my parents fought and things got raw. I will need to rely on my adaptive skills and learn to better receive and roll with change.
Preparing a dojo-style space for myself at home will mean letting go of a lot of other hobbies. (A *lot* of other hobbies....) I will whittle down my painting and art supplies and donate the rest. I will carve out some time to complete projects for which I have the materials so that I can get rid of the scraps. I will identify people who might like my extra supplies, and share what I have. I'm off work today, so that can be one of my intentions. My other intention is to finish some coursework because I've got new (continuing ed) classes starting already.
Even without so many belongings I will still have the skills, and I can get the supplies again if I need to. It will make me happier overall to double the good I can do -- give someone something, and give myself some nothing (i.e., some empty space to practice karate).
As for the gi, I have a lot of tactile defensiveness because my skin is extremely loose and painfully sensitive (Thanks, EDS). My gi moves with me, whereas regular clothes don't. I try to only wear my gi to the dojo because I always want them to be clean. I tried wearing sleeveless shirts and workout shorts but my skin is too loose to be exposed to air, especially since it breaks down when I sweat if I don't wipe it down right away. It's like taking care of bad leather. But it's my leather, and it's the only suit I got for my birthday. ;) You can see how the simplified mental state thing is a real challenge.
I ultimately want to buy some better gi (the ones I have are very light and were 20 bucks a piece) but right now is a time to reduce what I own, not increase. I am Catholic and today is Epiphany, the day the Three Wise Men supposedly reached the manger and gave their gifts to the baby Jesus. I will see about reflecting on what gifts I bring to this world, and maximizing the ones I do the best. Even milk knows to let its cream float to the top.
Today's theme: Less is More.
Gassho.
