The Myth of "Not In My Dojo"

I won't say "it doesn't happen in my dojo" because no one thinks it happens in their dojo. But I will say that we go through specialized preventative training, and that, despite my own hypervigilance on the subject, I have never seen it in my dojo. I hadn't realized it surely happens in martial arts because I have never seen it happen there. I have also been sheltered by having only ever practiced in two schools.

The dark side of karate includes "grooming", the act of establishing a relationship with a child to ultimately enroll them in a sexual or otherwise abusive relationship for the gain of a maleficent adult. 

A child has no basis for comparison. They are completely helpless against a predator. An adult predator might spend years conditioning them to believe that the abuse is natural, necessary, out of love, wholesome, or anything other than disgusting. An adult child of sexual abuse may not recognize that they were abused until well after a statute of limitations let alone be stable enough to go back and face their abusers.

In our school, for example, we have specialized training required to work with children. A large TV shows cameras during all classes and parents are encouraged to watch. In training for work with children we are taught to spend no more than a few seconds on a correction, to stay as hands-off as possible, and to have someone of the same sex as the student tie their belt. (This is not to say that same-sex abuse doesn't happen, but that this precaution apparently minimizes the risk.) The school invites all students, parents, and staff to training events on prevention of human trafficking and sexual abuse, taught by qualified representatives of that field.

As a Catholic I am no stranger to the story of grooming by people in positions of power. The news is filled with discoveries of sexual predation from the church that ruins the lives of its victims and their families for generations.

Hamlet says, "do not spread the compost on the weeds/ [t]o make them ranker" (3.4.171-173). Briefly, he means, don't add trouble to an already bad situation. I don't know how to acknowledge or discuss these unspeakable abuses. Given parts of my own history, I have an added sensitivity which often gets in my way. But I'm trying to make sense of what I can do to get a foothold of this problem. 

When I hear about these abuses it messes with parts of my identity. What can I do as an adult, non-parent, Catholic, survivor, martial artist? What comfort, empowerment, or comment can I offer without adding to the Internet's weeds? Not much thus far: there are no excuses or valid reasons for this, anywhere in the world, ever.

I am seldom without words, and I feel strongly compelled to say something, but I have no idea what to say. Here are some preliminary thoughts, which fall egregiously short:

1. If I see what appears to be child abuse, I absolutely will report it.

2. If I come upon an adult child of abuse, I will believe them and behave compassionately toward them.

3. I will refer to every resource I know to help someone in crisis.

4. I will maintain confidentiality for absolutely as long as it is safe to do so.

5. I will take care of my own self separately.

6. I will not participate in grooming.

7. I will not internalize the guilt or the abuse in the Catholic church--or anywhere in the world--as a failure on my part, but I will accept personal responsibility of taking steps to not contribute to the abuse, and to speak up or stop it when I see it.

8. I will take steps ensure that my time with others is as safe and positive as it can be.

Abuse happens everywhere, and it seems particularly rampant in the church and in sports. I will do my part to be informed and aware.

Gasshuku - MCF 2014 Karateka Kodomo (Karate Kids)

In small group training I had the pleasure of working with a young lady from Oklahoma.  She's already tough as nails, she is going to be someone very important someday, I can see leadership and patience in her.  She is like a cherry blossom, and when she blooms she's going to be so green and so strong that she will give shade and beauty to the world around her for as long as she is in it.

By the recommendation of my wonderful partner, we moved toward the back of our small group and worked on Bunkai with two other young karateka, a brother and sister who love one another enough to even stick with one another when they have an opportunity to work with karateka from all over the hemisphere.  These siblings have a sweetness to them, a camaraderie where one will not move without bringing the other along.  They have a lot of love and a strong mother, so they will move up, and bring one another along for the adventure.  This is as it should be, and to have had a few moments practice with them fills me with satisfaction because I shall have been a part of that story.

My partner and I split up the siblings so we could help them improve their skills.  The younger one, a boy, was very gentle with me.  I asked him why, and he said, "I don't like to hit people.  I don't want to hurt anybody.  I would feel really bad if I hurt somebody."  It was a moment where I had to decide whether to roll with it, or to try to guide him.  This is someone else's child, with their own way of raising him.  They are trusting other karateka to be good senpai for their children.  So I said, "You know, that's a great attitude to have, that's exactly as it should be.  But when you're working with a partner, you're going to be careful, but you will be teaching your partner what it feels like to get hit, and to be brave, and to respond well, so that they will be able to protect themselves if they come upon someone who is not as friendly or as caring as you are."  I don't know if that made sense to him, but it seemed like the right thing to say. At dinner I got to sit with that family, and I should like to know them forever because they are fantastic people.

It was a genuine pleasure having the privilege of working with IOGKF kodomo. My goodness, what hope I have seen in the youth this weekend!

Reasonable Expectations

If I'm getting so much stronger in the dojo, shouldn't that translate to being stronger outside the dojo?

Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome is a permanent and disabling condition; it is not something one can exercise away.

Here's how karate with EDS works:

During the day I wear splints or braces for the joints that aren't staying in place on their own. They do this because EDS makes connective tissues weak, so tendons and ligaments don't hold bones together. That leaves muscles to do their own work of moving the body, plus the added task of stabilization. But muscles are only designed for one of those tasks.

As my muscles get stronger I get more steady and powerful, but I can't keep up the facade for long. The fact is, no matter how strong I get I am practicing karate despite having a terrible genetic disorder.

Karate with EDS requires a lot of prep work. If I have karate on Monday, preparation starts Saturday night. I work on getting enough sleep Saturday in case I can't sleep on Sunday; if I can't sleep on Sunday it means I won't have enough energy for a full day of work before karate in the evening.

On Sunday I do all my prep work for the week: laundry, housework, grocery shopping (if I have the energy, which I don't today), cooking meals for the week (if I have the energy, which I don't today, and will beg help of my generous roommate and friends, which also takes time and energy to coordinate--energy I don't have).

On Monday I brace and splint during the work hours, using every possible adaptive modality I have.  I need to reserve enough energy to drive home safely and cook my dinner, because I need any extra time to rest and hydrate before karate that I can get.

When my alarm goes off saying it's time for karate I have a hard time getting up from my rest period because I'm exhausted from work. I'm also usually nauseous because I ate dinner and it takes extra time for my digestive system to do its work, and more meds. But I can't wait to see my Sensei, so I push myself to get up. It helps that running fluids usually sends me to the restroom by this time.

Next I put on my gi and check my IV fluids.  I take meds to control the pain and lather my body up with cream that has a numbing/analgesic agent so that I don't feel as much sharp and stabbing pain while I workout.  Karate is the one time I let myself be free of splints and I want to work out as much as I can, which requires pain control.  Tired of reading this yet?  It's a lot, and this is just a quick run-down.

I thank my lucky stars that the dojo is 15 minutes away, mostly highway driving, so that won't tire me out and I can get some last-minute hydration in. When I get to the dojo I park in the accessible spot outside the front door in case I dislocate in karate and can't safely walk across the parking lot to a farther space, thereby reducing my fall risk.

After karate I shower and lie right down. If I don't get as much rest as possible I won't be able to work the next day. If I have overdone it on some body part I take care of that part and make a mental note to splint it the next day, or reorganize how I do my day so that it doesn't require that body part. For example, if I have really overused my knee on Monday, it will be a crutches or wheelchair day on Tuesday so that I can do karate on Wednesday. My entire schedule and approach to life is centered around being able to do karate.

Although I do practice karate and have EDS, I make enormous concessions elsewhere in my life to be able to do it. Everybody who practices karate gives up a lot elsewhere in their lives. This is just my story.

Thursday was the Shiai. Saturday was Spirit Training. I barely got through a shower on Friday and I have had to sleep/rest Wednesday night through now to recover from training and competing.

Karate is helping me get healthier and stronger. It just has implications that are unpredictable. Just like physiotherapy it helps my body get better, but I may not be able to do anything but rest until I recover from it.

In the dojo I don't look like I have a disability, so it may become easy to think I don't have one, or to conclude that it's not as bad as I make it out to be. But it's pretty rough, and life outside of the dojo is the authentic picture. I do karate despite these challenges because it is my dream. That's why I love it so much.

The moral of the story is, I practice karate despite having EDS because it makes me so stinkin' happy that it is sometimes my most hopeful reason for living. But I pay enormously in time and prep work to be able to do it.  I also pay after in exhaustion and recuperation time, as well as needing to tend to any new injuries or aggravated body parts.  It takes focus and dedication, but that's what karate is about.